In this post, I want to explore relationships between Chinese and Malays within the framework of a love affair. the late great director Yasmin Ahmad started this dialogue with her movie Sepet. (Malay word "Sepet" means slit {eyes}, a reference to the appearance of Chinese eyes.) The Yasmin Ahmad was malay and had a chinese husband. Permutations of the same theme appear in all her movies. We all know that she is Orked in her movies. And the Chinese guy in all her movies is the Chinese Malaysian man who is Yasmin Ahmad's life partner, her husband.
And yes, there are lots of malay-chinese couples that I know of in Malaysia:
So it DOES work, right?
In the past, I've been in a real relationship with 2 malay guys, both from what you'd call the "Malay Elite" but I didn't end up marrying any of them.
IN the early 90's- my high school boyfriend, J was one of the sons of a malay CEO (now retired) of a prominent BUMI Malaysian company that was right in Mahathir's palm. (One of Mahathir's pet project companies which promoted the name of Malaysia.) We both lived in Bukit Damansara, we went to (CBN and VI) He was Malay and a muslim. He and his family are highly educated and wealthy- they're all product of JPA and Petronas scholarships and his sisters are now prominent Doctors (head of a department in a major KL hospital), Lawyers and his brother is a CFO of one of the biggest developers in Malaysia.
Yes, these are real people and they're a product of the NEP: UMNO princes and princesses.
My parents are liberal Chinese Malaysians (a bit of "dan lain-lain" or "others" in there, as is common in the state where my hometown is). BUT J's family saw me as Chinese, simple as that- black or white. His mother wore a "tudung" (hijab) and so did one of his sisters. But they welcomed me in their family anyway (because I tried very hard to be what I thought they were). In contrast, I saw my parents being extremely unfriendly to J just because he was Malay.
I went on holidays in the US and UK with his parents, his siblings and their partners. This was always a big "rombongan" (Malay for large group) just like a tour group. And although they were very wealthy, they always stayed in service apartments (because we were a big group) instead of big hotels like Ritz Carlton or Langham. And they always travelled with their own Brahim's curry sachets so they could cook their own meals in the apartments, as halal food wasn't always easy to come by. And there would be a "gotong-royong" (Malay for "community helping each other out") atmosphere amongst the women in the kitchen during meal prep. They always rented a few cars and travelled in a group. This is what Malay families do on holidays, I learned.
Sometimes I'd hear them mention a remark about being Chinese. I wasn't his Mum's favourite, but his Dad ("Tan Sri" was his title bestowed by the King of Malaysia) was just lovely. We played cards or monopoly at family time and he always ribbed me about having "Ong" (luck in Malaysian hokkien dialect). I'm not very chinese but I just took it all in stride because that's their way of reaching out to me. It was well-meant. My relationship with J lasted through our high school and early years in university- J in the US and I in Australia. Eventually we fizzled, long distance got the better of us despite unlimited travel expenses and phone bill budgets. Puan Sri (Malay title bestowed by the Malaysian King) and I shared a teary good-bye, haha... if I did end up marrying him, she would make the best MIL.
Then, in my mid 20's after a disastrous year or so with a cheating expat, I had several flings with older men when I was in my 20's while on an angry rampage to get even. (that was juvenile, I know that now).
The men I chose were either Malays or Chinese Malaysians, always older than me (from 7 years older to 20 years older), all seriously successful and some were good looking and some were just cute.
One of them was a divorced chinese Malaysian lawyer with his own law firm. He had 3 Great Danes that were his pride and joy. He was in his 40's but was really fit- loves all outdoor/adventure/extreme sports.
One of them was a malay (he was married! Then divorced! Now remarried!) director in a well known architecture firm. He loves his sports cars and Italian suits. He was in great shape because he visited the gym often enough. In his 40's back then, he treated me like his little girl. (eeek)
One of them was a divorced chinese Malaysian, was Head of Futures in a bank during the Asian Financial Crisis (he was very down on his luck). He is intelligent and extremely funny. He was not gorgeous but looked like what an average looking guy in his 20's would look like. He introduced me to his friends, who were CEOs and GMs. We are still friends today. He's Head of something else now in a Securities firm and married to a girl in her 20's!
THEN, there was H, whom I wish I didn't meet during this time in my life. I really liked him- he was the type of man you'd want to marry and have children with. H was 30, came from a good malay family. His father was high up in the civil service. His mother is from of one of the malay royal families. His siblings are all successful professionals- back then, he was a young architect in a prominent architectural firm who was put in charge of a major building in the heart of KL (now built, it's part of the skyline). He's a 6 footer, nicely built, wears architect glasses, Ralph Lauren polo shirts, Gucci moccasins (you know, what Royalty wear!).... . He was the serious type, always into his work. H was soft spoken and gentlemanly, always patient with crazy 23-year old me.
We were dating on-and-off but, like a child, I tested his boundaries constantly. (making him take me to his rather religious parents' home, calling his colleagues using his phone, making him meet my friends- among them was another guy I mentioned above. I know. Sick juvenile stuff.)
He put up with all that until it all ended between us.
I wanted him to be the man for me from the very beginning when we started sleeping together. I manipulated him, trying to get what I wanted from him- a commitment, a deep love, a proper relationship. He put up with it because he wanted to just wanted to continue the er, current arrangement.
And it ended simply because I realized we were never going to be what I wanted us to be. I pushed him to admit that we were never going to be married and have kids together. I guess the aggressive behaviour didn't help either.
He just didn't see past the *ahem* with me.
I kept asking myself WHY afterwards: I had the big Cindy Crawford hair, the hot body, pan-asian face. I was 23 and looked great. I was someone that a guy like him would WANT! (Royals always marry the halfies, right?) BUT I wasn't the kind of person he'd WANT TO MARRY.
So, thanks to Google, I see that H married someone who's malay.
How much of his reluctance to be with me was because I was half chinese?
15 years later, Malaysian Chinese and Malays are more polarized than ever. My interpretation of Yasmin Ahmad's message is that we need to have LOVE to overcome those barriers.
So it DOES work, right?
In the past, I've been in a real relationship with 2 malay guys, both from what you'd call the "Malay Elite" but I didn't end up marrying any of them.
IN the early 90's- my high school boyfriend, J was one of the sons of a malay CEO (now retired) of a prominent BUMI Malaysian company that was right in Mahathir's palm. (One of Mahathir's pet project companies which promoted the name of Malaysia.) We both lived in Bukit Damansara, we went to (CBN and VI) He was Malay and a muslim. He and his family are highly educated and wealthy- they're all product of JPA and Petronas scholarships and his sisters are now prominent Doctors (head of a department in a major KL hospital), Lawyers and his brother is a CFO of one of the biggest developers in Malaysia.
Yes, these are real people and they're a product of the NEP: UMNO princes and princesses.
My parents are liberal Chinese Malaysians (a bit of "dan lain-lain" or "others" in there, as is common in the state where my hometown is). BUT J's family saw me as Chinese, simple as that- black or white. His mother wore a "tudung" (hijab) and so did one of his sisters. But they welcomed me in their family anyway (because I tried very hard to be what I thought they were). In contrast, I saw my parents being extremely unfriendly to J just because he was Malay.
I went on holidays in the US and UK with his parents, his siblings and their partners. This was always a big "rombongan" (Malay for large group) just like a tour group. And although they were very wealthy, they always stayed in service apartments (because we were a big group) instead of big hotels like Ritz Carlton or Langham. And they always travelled with their own Brahim's curry sachets so they could cook their own meals in the apartments, as halal food wasn't always easy to come by. And there would be a "gotong-royong" (Malay for "community helping each other out") atmosphere amongst the women in the kitchen during meal prep. They always rented a few cars and travelled in a group. This is what Malay families do on holidays, I learned.
Sometimes I'd hear them mention a remark about being Chinese. I wasn't his Mum's favourite, but his Dad ("Tan Sri" was his title bestowed by the King of Malaysia) was just lovely. We played cards or monopoly at family time and he always ribbed me about having "Ong" (luck in Malaysian hokkien dialect). I'm not very chinese but I just took it all in stride because that's their way of reaching out to me. It was well-meant. My relationship with J lasted through our high school and early years in university- J in the US and I in Australia. Eventually we fizzled, long distance got the better of us despite unlimited travel expenses and phone bill budgets. Puan Sri (Malay title bestowed by the Malaysian King) and I shared a teary good-bye, haha... if I did end up marrying him, she would make the best MIL.
Then, in my mid 20's after a disastrous year or so with a cheating expat, I had several flings with older men when I was in my 20's while on an angry rampage to get even. (that was juvenile, I know that now).
The men I chose were either Malays or Chinese Malaysians, always older than me (from 7 years older to 20 years older), all seriously successful and some were good looking and some were just cute.
One of them was a divorced chinese Malaysian lawyer with his own law firm. He had 3 Great Danes that were his pride and joy. He was in his 40's but was really fit- loves all outdoor/adventure/extreme sports.
One of them was a malay (he was married! Then divorced! Now remarried!) director in a well known architecture firm. He loves his sports cars and Italian suits. He was in great shape because he visited the gym often enough. In his 40's back then, he treated me like his little girl. (eeek)
One of them was a divorced chinese Malaysian, was Head of Futures in a bank during the Asian Financial Crisis (he was very down on his luck). He is intelligent and extremely funny. He was not gorgeous but looked like what an average looking guy in his 20's would look like. He introduced me to his friends, who were CEOs and GMs. We are still friends today. He's Head of something else now in a Securities firm and married to a girl in her 20's!
THEN, there was H, whom I wish I didn't meet during this time in my life. I really liked him- he was the type of man you'd want to marry and have children with. H was 30, came from a good malay family. His father was high up in the civil service. His mother is from of one of the malay royal families. His siblings are all successful professionals- back then, he was a young architect in a prominent architectural firm who was put in charge of a major building in the heart of KL (now built, it's part of the skyline). He's a 6 footer, nicely built, wears architect glasses, Ralph Lauren polo shirts, Gucci moccasins (you know, what Royalty wear!).... . He was the serious type, always into his work. H was soft spoken and gentlemanly, always patient with crazy 23-year old me.
We were dating on-and-off but, like a child, I tested his boundaries constantly. (making him take me to his rather religious parents' home, calling his colleagues using his phone, making him meet my friends- among them was another guy I mentioned above. I know. Sick juvenile stuff.)
He put up with all that until it all ended between us.
I wanted him to be the man for me from the very beginning when we started sleeping together. I manipulated him, trying to get what I wanted from him- a commitment, a deep love, a proper relationship. He put up with it because he wanted to just wanted to continue the er, current arrangement.
And it ended simply because I realized we were never going to be what I wanted us to be. I pushed him to admit that we were never going to be married and have kids together. I guess the aggressive behaviour didn't help either.
He just didn't see past the *ahem* with me.
I kept asking myself WHY afterwards: I had the big Cindy Crawford hair, the hot body, pan-asian face. I was 23 and looked great. I was someone that a guy like him would WANT! (Royals always marry the halfies, right?) BUT I wasn't the kind of person he'd WANT TO MARRY.
So, thanks to Google, I see that H married someone who's malay.
How much of his reluctance to be with me was because I was half chinese?
15 years later, Malaysian Chinese and Malays are more polarized than ever. My interpretation of Yasmin Ahmad's message is that we need to have LOVE to overcome those barriers.
"Now if you followed speech about a new agenda to help bumis. So this is the way to create towering malays - just give them more handouts.
All talk was about helping, read enriching the malays. No one had the balls to talk about the Malaysian agenda. If this is what our future leaders spew, then I shed tears for my beloved country.
Much of so-called leakages of bumis allocation has not gone to other bumis but merely lost. Look at the ringgit depreciation, the loss of Proton, the debt of Perwaja, the bank write offs etc, and you get an idea where they have gone. The non-bumis benefit is marginal compared to the larger loses.
Just look at how many of the Menteri Besar and Chief Ministers reap profit from their position for personal gain, compared to few did not do it. They must be using the same pretext of some noble cause like NEP. But at the end the one benefiting is their closet cronies.
What left to Malaysians is the exorbitant car prices, high toll rate, no viable alternative public transport in cities, ever increasing water tariff etc. Who is suffering at the end? Isn't it the "rakyat" at large and bumis forming the largest portion?
Have they not considered why previous implementations failed? In fact one needs not look far to find the answers - CORRUPPTION and ABUSE of POWER leading to cronyism and nepotism.
A simple solution is to implement an independent judiciary, answerable to parliament and freedom of the press as a starter.
Instead, Umno is asking for more privileges. Who are the main beneficiaries? So long as Malaysia's resources are plentiful, the non-bumis as scapegoats, the use of religious fear factor works on the rakyat, Umno will continue to call the shot.
Unfortunately there is not enough resources to satisfy the greed of Umno, the rakyat will remain poorer while the rich get richer.
For non-bumis, their ultimate aim is going abroad. Those left behind, well, the left over will join the poor including the bumis in Malaysia. Thus denying Malaysia the skill and wealth of the emigrating Malaysians.
Don't forget the call for more help, enriching the malays are actually for Umno, selected few and cronies! Not all the malays!
Do read them carefully and not counting it as every malay or Malaysian! Because of this nature of speech don't count it as "for all malays" and a case for you to bombast the innocent malays!
With all the multibillions and hundreds of millions of ringgit contracts going to the Umno bumis and crony companies, with all the Approved Permits (APs) going to the bumis (almost), with all the banking licences going to the bumis (almost), with all the big Government-Linked Companies (GLCs) coming under the control of the bumis, with all the government jobs (almost) going to the bumis, with all the petrol stations, transport licenses going to the bumis, etc, etc.
Perhaps one reason that Umno Youth perceived that the bumis are not faring too well in the economic field is that the wealth that is now in their hands is not well shared out, and is concentrated in the hands of a small number of elite and crony bumis.
If you look at the number of government contracts going out to bumis is really discriminating against the non-malays.
Until now, I have not heard of one malay who has the courage to admit, that about 90% of the government projects and assistance that went to help the malays has gone to waste - huge squandering and wastage.
It is the reason why they are not being respected by other races.
That is their huge weakness. No matter how much monetary assistance you give to the malays, somehow or rather it doesn't improve their character and attitude towards work. It doesn't improve their knowledge on any business they are in.
Their business ethic is the lowest among Malaysians. Their wealth will never improve. Later down the road, they will be spending most of their money if not all on material gain rather than on building values, skills and knowledge.
That is why, 90% of the student scholarships, or 90% of the government projects goes to them, has gone to waste. They didn't take the opportunity to enhance their knowledge, skills but merely for material gain.
They have no confidence in themselves after so many years of independence. No confidence and faith in themselves to do their best and compete in the world. None at all.
Because most of the time, they spend their money and time on politics, and material gain. I would say malays place more importance on the form rather than on the substance.
Look at the amount of protocol they have to follow in their daily life. Most of it is not practical at all.
In short, we are stuck in medieval concept of balance of conflicting interest rather than those about moving forward to be become one.
So long as we are stuck in such medieval thinking, so long as we will be paralyzed by our fears and insecurities, and honestly second-rate as a nation."