I went through one miscarriage earlier this year, just after New Year.
I was about 7 weeks along. I thought I would have a breezy pregnancy just like the one I had with my daughter 2 years ago. I took it all for granted. I thought nothing of the brownish blobs that showed up on my underwear along with mucus. I thought it was "old blood". Too much information? Tough luck. This is the part about pregnancy that they don't put in Johnsons & Johnsons ads.
I found out on Boxing Day, and as my Obstetrician was away, I went to my 1st ultrasound at 6 weeks plus and saw a single fetus with a heartbeat. When my obstetrician came back, I was already around 8 weeks. In his office, we did an ultrasound and saw a dead fetus measuring at about 7 weeks. My heart raced- I was alone. My husband was busy at work. I think I tuned out the world. I left an angry message for my husband, who rushed home, but it was all too late. My D & C was scheduled 1 week later. I carried my long gone baby with me for another week. I felt empty and I cried buckets- None of which I could bring myself to do in front of anyone. This was a baby I really wanted with all my soul.
I was angry at everyone. I blamed. I lashed out.
And........ I recovered.
Now, I am at that point again- about 6 weeks along. Much bleeding and cramps pretty much everyday in the last 2 weeks one occasion in the emergency room, too. I've had 3 ultrasound scans now- the first 2 very pessimistic about the one sac with no fetus. my obstetrician told me a week ago that I would eventually lose it because it looked abnormal. I was required to do blood tests every 2 days- showed normal hormone levels.
I braced myself for a blighted ovum at my 3rd ultrasound. For another disappointment.
It showed 2 sacs. TWINS. One was a blighted ovum, and the other had a 6wk fetus with a heartbeat.
I am now on bedrest and the bleeding has stopped. It is now light brown spotting.
The cramps are still here and I am still told to be cautious, to prepare for "eventualities".
There is no word in english that is the equivalent of the arabic "Alhamdulillah".
But the meaning is : "God is truly great- look at what he is able to create."
And I am in God's amazing hands. That sums up my feelings at this very moment.
For the 1st time in my life.