Saturday, October 30, 2004

Back again, y'all!

My company sent me over to Singapore for a few weekdays and a weekend. I managed to spend two days and one night in the family home in "the hilly affluent suburb of KL", but I want to cover that in another post.

While in Singapore, I caught up with our counterpart architects on a project that isn't exactly mine, it's designed by the master of steel structures in our office, "R". And no, he's NOT our big celebrity architect boss.

In fact, "R" isn't even an RAIA registered architect. He's been with the company for more than 10 years. From the looks of him, he's in his early to mid forties and he has a razor sharp mind, wit and tongue. According to my spies (yes, architecture offices are also stages for espionage), his annual salary is only 10K more than mine. I've only been in this company for 5 years.

"R" believes in the lofty ideals of architecture. He designs like he means it. I believe in it as a business- I know exactly how many townhouses to put on a site in Sydney to yield a profit that will bring a smug smile to a client's face. I make the $$$. I'm nowhere near his talents and his eloquence in architectural expression.

Here's the twist: "R" has resigned.
I returned from my trip on Tuesday morning and heard about this.
I haven't yet formed my angle on it. That's how shocked I (still) am.

It's Saturday night and I have a group meeting tomorrow. I am reading up like crazy or Organisational Behaviour, but none of it is going in.
MBA commitments are a drag.

I'm going to take a break and watch the Iron Chef on SBS.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Confessions of an ex CBNer

I spent 5 years in CBN.

Hey, that was one super competitive school environment, where girls like us would be dropped off and picked up by our daddies' chauffeured Mercs. We had to be in the top classes, either B or U... maybe even K or T, otherwise we didn't count. We had to either excel in a sport, be a totally hot cheerleader in one of the four sport houses (Go Pauline! Go the Blues!!) or be in a cool club like Interact. I like to think it groomed me for my socialite phase.
During business trips to other asian capitals, I like to spend my spare weekends in KL.
I see these same girls around Bangsar- I meet up with some of them over coffee sometimes. Most of them turned into lawyers (one is a doctor) who practice in KL and they all married well.

I went through the mandatory pet sister phase. What's a pet sister, you ask? This very astute blogger writes about it here. I often wonder what I would have become if I never grew out of that phase? I really fancied the Form 5 and 6 girls at the time. Way before I had my first SJI and VI boyfriend.

I've kissed a woman (ladies, don't we all go through this at least once in our wild years?) but I don't think the idea of falling in love with a woman is out of the question.
Ah well. I'm crapping on quite a bit here.
Don't we all have our moments of ambiguous sexuality?

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Indulge me for a while

Why not? This whole blog is about self indulgence anyway.

I went through a time in my life which I liken to groping around in the dark for the light switch and never finding it- this coincided with the grunge movement in the early to mid 90's. I liken phases in my life to music I listened to at the time, the clothes I wore..... Instant trigger that brings back memories. Kate Moss the waif was the woman of the moment.

I look back on those years fondly. It seems like another life.

My boyfriend at the time, J, whom I had been with since my days in a girls school in the middle of KL and part of my high school and university days in Australia, was sent to an American university in a small mid west college town near Detroit, Michigan. I used to make two trips a year to the USA. Sydney-Narita, Tokyo-LAX, LA-O'Hare,Chicago. If I took Northwestern, I'd fly straight into Detroit.

I especially loved our road trips:
We took I-75 from Detroit right down to the tip of Florida, at Key West where route-1 stops.
And we took I-80 from Chicago to San Francisco, then we drove along the coast down to LA. It was breathtaking.

I made friends over there in his circle of friends who were Malaysian students. I loved eating with him at Denny's. I got used to grocery shopping at Kroger and buying ranch flavoured chips...... the mid west felt so down home, so comfortable.
This doesn't sound dark to you? Wait, I'm getting to it in a minute!

We split up amicably after 4 years in different continents.

So, where did I choose to spend my holidays after that?
Kuala Lumpur and a shopping trip or two with mum and dad to Europe. Back on the social circuit, girl!

A snapshot of the times:
There was a restaraunt nearby Hard Rock Cafe that I really I loved called Moomba.
I er, had a father figure fixation, and dated men who were much older than me. I liked being their trophy girlfriend. I loved being at the right parties, being seen and at the same time, I loved partying all night and felt like I was born to dance.
Iguana at Bangsar Shopping Complex had just opened.

I was trying to find me, find out who I am, what I am.
I had an on-off relationship with a divorced man A, who is a known businessman and personality in KL.
He gave me every material thing that my father could give me.... but he cheated.
The end was painful, angry, unsettling.... the kind of break up that makes you want to leave town for a good couple of years.
During those off times in the 2 years we were together, I dated other single older men because they were wiser but found them bitter and jaded instead.
"There must be some reason why they're still single..." said my mum and confidante.

I think somewhere along the way, I began hating men. I think I still do.
Men are all the same was written all over me.

"Oh make me over
I'm all I wanna be
A walking study
In Demonology

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you've really made it
Hey, there's only us who made it now

Oh look at my face
My name is might have been
My name is never was
My name's forgotten

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you've really made it
Hey, there's only us here now

When I wake up in my makeup
It's too early for that dress
Wilted and faded somewhere in Hollywood
I'm glad I came here with your pound of flesh

No second billing cause you're a star now
Oh Cinderella, they aren't sluts like you
Beautiful garbage beautiful dresses
Can you stand up or will you just fall down

You better watch out
Oh what you wish for
It better to be worth it
So much to die for

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you've really made it
Hey, there's only us here now

When I wake up in my makeup
Have you ever felt so used up as this
It's all so sugarless
Model/actress, hooker/waitress
who'll just go nameless

She's full of poison
She obliterated everything she kissed
Now she's fading somewhere in Hollywood
I'm glad I came here with your pound of flesh

You want a part of me
Well I won't sell it cheap
No, I won't sell it cheap"

Celebrity Skin by Hole.
Lyrics by Courtney Love

I had the luxury of escaping to Sydney when holidays were over- back to being single and dating again.
Dated some white guys (not my cup of tea) and even some younger guys (fully recommend this, ladies- their idealism heals your heart).
Then I found my husband.

Did I/ do I feel the same way as this woman Courtney Love writes about in the song above?
Definitely not.

But I do think it's poetic.
There's something incredibly redeeming about hitting the bottom and coming back up.
Going through pain cleanses you, puts you in touch with your self.
I know myself pretty well now, but I'll constantly learn something new and grow in so many ways.

Here's my Oprah moment: I'M STILL THANKFUL FOR MY LIFE SO FAR.