Wednesday, August 18, 2004

My mother in law. (This will not be a pretty post)

She has never liked me, the hussy who stole her oldest and favourite son away from her. I have mentioned in previous posts that she worships him. She thinks the sun rises and sets with him. She takes all his financial advice and lets him control their family assets.

She has accused me of literally stealing him away from the sleepy little town they call home, to live in Australia. I can see that she is terrified that he will never end up taking over their family business (why the hell would he want to do that when he is capable of so much more: he is a Certified Financial Analyst and he has a Masters degree in Business), he will never be the one who takes care of them in their old age (not on my watch).

I have tried being nice to her.

Spending my holidays during the festive seasons with their family (she simply brushes it off, saying: "that's the way it should be."), I have explained to her that my husband does not want to take over their business, he has his own ambitions (she responded by pouring her heart out to his younger brother, who wrote a long email, pleading him to "come home" and be responsible), I have tried to tolerate her long distance calls to him every other day (she simply calls him on his mobile to avoid talking to me), I tolerate her daily pleadings with him to "come home" and her uneducated insinuations the pay is better there, the economy is changing etc. etc.

This woman tried to tell my mother who to put on the main table at our wedding dinner that my parents were paying for. She had always been insecure that we (me and my family) were "looking down at them" during our wedding. Jeez. I can't think of anything LESS classy than trying to interfere in somebody else's dinner. She made him break up with his ex girlfriend because she didn't come from a good enough family for him. I am confident I will not sound like I'm bragging in real life, if you knew me and my family, we're in a totally different class to them.

His father is just as bad. He bought a Dato' title for himself and paid for full page newspaper ads to tell everyone about it. He tried to stick his Rolex in front of our faces and telling us in detail how much it cost him. I've since had the chance to observe his behaviour: That seems to be something he likes to do: tell people how much his things cost him. He installed a DVD AV system in his car.

She makes me feel like an outsider when I am in their home. She'll only talk to me when her son is looking. The TV is constantly on this inane and completely insipid pop and variety channel. No Bloomberg, no CNN, no Discovery..... damn.
Her own husband's mother and her have a long running feud, they are at each other's throats all the time. BUT she makes sure she uses her children to fight her battles for her. She pours out her heart to them and makes them try to defend their poor mother. Thanks to her, my husband hates his own grandmother. He can't explain why, he has just grown up hating her. Thanks to her, my husband's younger brother hates me.

My husband is a nice person. Given, there are obvious cultural differences, but still, I just wonder why his mother is such an insecure person that she needs to do all this stuff.


Anonymous said...

She just don't like you. You are not a typical asian girl, not following asian etiquette. You can't be trusted. You will do what you like and who knows one day you may end up hurting his darling son. The cultural generation she comes from is that a woman must not only come from a good family but must also be a "good girl" to be trusted to look after her son the "traditional way." If you are not able to suffer the "fate" of her generation type of woman, you love yourself more than your husband. And maybe that is why she envy you.


implosion said...

Thanks for your insight.
The biggest battle any woman will face in her life is her mother in law. There is something very freudian about a mother and son relationship. It's sickening.

Anonymous said...

oh, really could you elaborate on the Freudian bit?

I presume he is a good son and would entertain his mom's nonsense?

Anyway, all this is driven by fear, unless her frustration could be release, it would just keep building up.