Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Facebook's "25 things about me" Meme

I've been inspired by the utterly amazing GirlJapan to do a raw, cathartic meme based on Facebook's 25 random things. I've already done this meme on facebook under my REAL name, and I only gave answers that were expected of me. (the facade that I hide behind.)

So here's my REAL meme- in all its gut wrenching honesty. (Er, some have already been covered by past posts in this blog)
  1. My husband has no idea that I have a blog. Nobody in my life knows.
  2. I honestly believe that I've engineered every aspect of my life so far. I don't know what I would do if one day, something went wrong, as things do in life....I'd probably fall apart. Run away.
  3. I would have a pretty perfect life if I had chosen to live in Malaysia, I'd be able to rely on family connections (family's NGO) and government contracts and get rich double quick. BUT we prefer to live in a country where we are all, by law, equal. We chose to make our own careers here in Australia and we have done pretty well, too. BUT we also have money from our families in Malaysia, so we're able to afford nice cars and homes in Sydney. Oh the hypocrisy.....
  4. I chose to live in Australia sometime when I was doing my university degree here. because I didn't want to live in a country (Malaysia) that was falling apart.
  5. I moved away for two years to pursue my MBA when I had to face that my marriage was in trouble.
  6. I had no life and studied furiously for 2 years in Singapore and Fontainebleau. They say an MBA is life-changing and it is. I hardly called my husband, family or friends while I was away. I kept up a facade for him when he visited. He threw himself into his work and I, my studies- I just did not want to be married at that time. Implicitly, between us, I've never mentioned the question of cheating and neither has he. I wonder why we don't talk about it.
  7. After my MBA, I had to come back and face that I had all but abandoned. I had a baby to save my marriage and put off the fact that I had to decide where to go in my career. I know this is so wrong, but when I see my baby daughter's smile, I'm happy I did it. Do mistakes turn out this well? Ever?
  8. In my 20's, in Malaysia, I had relationships with married men whom I met when I was doing an internship as a junior architect and through friends of friends. All of them were powerful, attractive older men. Three in total. I had those relationships because I was hell bent on getting revenge on all cheating men because I was angry that I was cheated on. And guess how I ended two of those relationships? I made sure their wives found out about us. I didn't want them, I just wanted them to suffer because they cheated. That's pretty twisted, huh? I WAS pretty twisted.
  9. I have recently taken to hiding my husband's Blackberry. He sleeps with it under his pillow most nights. That thing bugs me for reasons I cannot fathom. When he's in la-la land, I bring it outside and put it in a drawer or in a toilet or kitchen. Shhh.
  10. I am staying home to raise my daughter indefinitely- I may return to work when she's old enough to go to school. To me, it's an education in itself. I'm learning so many things- learning to let go of my need to control everything. She's changing me.
  11. I really have no idea how to be a mother. I was raised by nannies who were supervised by my mother. I had no idea what real hands-on mothers do. I didn't know how to breastfeed because my mother did not breastfeed me. Nobody taught me these things and I never experienced any of it.
  12. Doing this meme has taken a lot out of me. It IS gut wrenching. I feel exhausted and need to sleep.
  13. I have no male friends who aren't gay or in the closet. I don't know why. My best friend found his soul mate and lately I only see him (together with his boyfriend) once in a few months. I'll blog about his "wedding" (commitment ceremony is what it was) soon.
  14. I had lots of female friends many of whom I lost when I cut off contact with friends during the 2 years I was away on MBA hiatus (or my holiday away from my own life). I'm reconnecting with a few of them. I miss them so much, I know it was my fault.
  15. I do an insane amount of pilates and yoga. Anywhere, anytime I can fit it in. In fact, I'm doing them now while I type on my laptop. Sometimes I think that it's normal. Sometimes I think it's not.
  16. I'm fearful of the world that my daughter will grow up in. Being a woman hasn't been the easiest thing on the face of the earth. My heart aches when I think about all she has to face. I hope to raise her to be a person who is well-equipped to face those obstacles. The most important thing you'll need in life as a woman, in my opinion, is to know who you are and to love yourself.
  17. I've been doing my research about food and trying to practice what I've learned. I've found that I have a bias towards Japanese home cooking. Not the haute cuisine you get from places like Tetsuya's, but more like what a Japanese family will eat everyday at home. Everything is so precise and calculated. I love that!
  18. I don't like designer bags at all, but I love designer shoes/boots/sandals/heels.
  19. My IQ is 135. Fat lot of good it did me when I was doing my bachelors degree in architecture. Never stopped me from failing a subject or two. ;) Never stopped me from getting involved with the wrong guy. Never helped me work in a team. Whatever.
  20. I really enjoy reading anything by a good writer.
  21. When we were on the JR Yamanote line at around 5pm from Marunouchi station, my husband's ass was groped somewhere around Shibuya station. Pervs left the okaasan (me) who was holding her baby alone. Was there some mistake? I'm secretly jealous of my husband... XD
  22. I cry so easily now that I've become a mother. And it's OK to cry, too- it's an emotion, not a sign of weakness. I KNOW that and I'm OK with that, but I don't live in a bubble- there are people around me.
  23. Sometimes I avoid reading Malaysian news. Why? It's frustrating. Nothing changes. Bloggers (including me) will blog it to death, and life goes on. So what?
  24. Having an evening walk around the neighbourhood on a quiet weekday is something I love to do. I'll be sad to leave this place by the water.


Anonymous said...

There is so much, that sound so familiar to me I am so jealous that you were able to jet off for your MBA!

It was so tiring for me to write "meme" but I felt a sense of freedom from it all = )

I think you are pretty amazing, you left all your comforts so-to-speak and now live in AU, but I admire you, you sound very strong and would have been a BIG chicken.

Implosion said...

I owe you a BIG THANK YOU for inspiring me to do it. I had a moment of freedom. It was so good.

Gabriel said...

that's a whole lot of honesty. i might try to do a proper meme. not a gay meme.

Super Kawaii Mama said...

I know this is an old post, but since you left me a comment I've now had a chance to read your blog and I have to say... I am blown away. In fact I am nearly crying reading this meme. You are an amazing woman to know yourself so well, to be so honest and to realise that even though we are always works under construction, we are still perfect in our flaws.
Love to you.
xx SKM

Implosion said...

Gabe: I SO want to read your gay meme!

SKM: Thanks. Not sure I deserve any of your generous words though. I was just as surprised at what I wrote and cried a bit after writing it, too.....It's a tangled web we all weave for ourselves isn't it?